THE LIFE-STYLE CHALLENGE - A Mini Quiz From YOUR SEARCH FOR A MEANINGFUL LIFE

The midway barker at the Minnesota State Fair didn't look much like a scholar. His fingernails were ragged and dirty and a broken tooth gave him a cynical and somewhat sinister leer. Tough Tony Gallo seemed an unlikely source from whom to learn about developing a fulfilling life. Nevertheless, he went right to one of the major elements of consistent satisfaction when he explained:

LIFE'S SORTA LIKE RIDIN' A BICYCLE UPHILL. YA GOTTA KEEP PEDALING ALONG OR YA GOTTA STOP AND GET OFF. THERE AIN'T NO REVERSE GEAR AND YA GOTTA KEEP YER BALANCE.

There you have it in a nutshell! Tony had just relieved Jard of several dollars in a futile attempt to win a stuffed panda for a granddaughter at his milk bottle toss game. Neither Jard's arm nor his aim is what either was in his youth but he was pleased with the transaction. After all, in these days of expensive psychotherapy, that was a cheap price for such excellent counsel about living joyously.

As our philosophical counselor with dirty fingernails so thoughtfully stated, each successful life has an ongoing flow that must be understood, even embraced, if we are to find a consistent sense of meaning and belonging through the powers we possess to invest in excellence. We can fulfill our potentialities only as we mature through more and more complex activities and satisfying relationships. As Tony said -- There ain’t no reverse gear.


As we have written, we humans have created a narcissistic, too pragmatic life-style that frustrates and alienates men and women and no one is automatically exempted from the lack of meaning and belonging inherent in a secular approach to satisfaction. Too many people try to get along without committing themselves to anything more meaningful or more permanent than their possessions, pleasure, prestige and power. They have naively accepted the unexamined assumption of this age that life can be made great by living through the physical and psychological aspects of existence while ignoring the spiritual or philosophical elements of life. That makes them like a person trying to relax comfortably on a two legged stool. One cannot do it, for he or she remains continually off balance without the philosophical factor in place. Living wisely - through the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life is vital. We knew two men who demonstrated extraordinarily well the need to mature spiritually in all aspects of life.

Bruce Bedow was a long time super-star running back in the National Football League. He lived the dream of countless young men as he set many records on the playing field. He relished proving him¬self superior to his opponents in their contests of skill and strength. Bruce especially loved the life-style of a professional athlete with admiring reporters, cheering crowds and nubile young women to whom he could relate from prestige and power rather than through mutual respect and responsibility. He boasted to his friends he'd had sex with a thousand women in his first few years of professional football. It was an adolescent male fantasy come true based on his physical ability and he is fortunate that he didn't contract AIDS as basketball star Magic Johnson did through his own irresponsible sexual choices. O.J. Simpson isn't the only wealthy celebrity to discover that cops, prosecutors and judges will bend and break the laws of their community to protect him. The multi-millionaire heir of a large grocery chain in Minneapolis shot to death his ex-wife and her lover and left the bodies in his lakeside mansion. It took the police two weeks to decide whether or not to arrest the millionaire murderer and then the city attorney politely requested he come in with his attorney. He could hardly be expected to issue an arrest warrant for a member of his own country club -- as he would for the police to haul in a hungry kid who'd stolen a bag of potato chips at one of the millionaire's stores!

The adults in Bruce's life - parents, coaches, community and school officials as well as the professional team's owners, helped freeze him in the long adolescence of professional sports. His sports fanatic father encouraged him to practice football rather than to study for his classes. When he failed a course, his high school principal changed the grade so he could continue playing on the team. The city police chief tore up many speeding and drunken driving tickets and the district attorney refused to follow up allegations by girls that he'd sexually assaulted them. Not only was Brace taught he was above the usual interactions and responsibilities of life, he failed to master the thousand and one ordinary tasks that make life run smoothly for people. The professional football team hired people to do his laundry, to clean his apartment, to drive his cars and to pay his bills. His attorneys soothed angry women he'd used and abused. They settled many barroom fights and cared for everything that would distract him from gaining a hundred yards on the playing field each week. His growth as a person was the last thing on anyone's mind. Bruce played pro football extraordinarily well but time took its toll and disaster struck.

Bruce tore an Achilles tendon and after ten years as a NFL hero, could no longer play the game that he loved more than his own maturity. Overnight, it seemed to him, the cheering ended, the reporters went away and girls no longer flocked to him. His money stopped coming and so did the nannies. The limousines vanished and he was lost in a world he understood not at all. For years Bruce haunted the stadium during games like a restless ghost and now works in a bar for a few dollars an hour and tips. His three marriages fell apart because he'd never learned how to relate to women as individuals of worth rather than as objects of his personal pleasure. A great many young men destroy their relationships with similar selfish attitudes about women. Once she saw past his fame, no strong, competent woman wanted anything to do with so self-centered a male. She could see he was a perpetual adolescent rather than a real person. Bruce recently told a reporter he'd give ten years to play one more season of professional ball. This tragic, unhappy man froze with a nihilistic approach to fife; he stopped pedaling his bicycle uphill and it has crippled him. And while the many people who used him for their personal reasons contributed to his unhappiness, the ultimate responsibility for his growth was always his own. One of his professional teammates understood this very well.

Crazy A J Johnson was considered by many sports writers and coaches to be the best defensive back in the NFL at the time. His game was so intense and wild that despite being rather small for a professional, A J was an impact player who could win a game on a single play with a timely interception. When a Vikings running back was being chided for letting A J ruin his game one Sunday, he shrugged and said:

I KNOW A J ISN'T VERY BIG BUT IT'S REALLY AWKWARD TRYING TO RUN WITH HIS HUNDRED SEVENTY POUNDS WRAPPED AROUND YOUR HEAD.

Although a fearless and fearsome competitor on the field -- and given to outlandish stories and quips that kept him prominent in the media -- A J took the big money but chose wisely for life after football. When Bruce and the boys went out boozing and picking up girls, he came home to his wife and the kids and his textbooks. He remained committed to his church and served in several community activities. He completed his M A degree and about the time he could no longer play pro ball, successfully defended his PhD dissertation to his graduate committee. Without missing a beat, wild and crazy A J the roughneck hero, became the much respected Doctor Johnson who serves quite well in a superb college with young people coming out of the ghetto he escaped by harnessing first his physical and then his mental powers along lines of excellence. A J is still pedaling along while Bruce has coasted to a stop so far as a meaningful life goes. You must do the same if you want consistent satisfaction for yourself, your family, your organization and your community.

Complete Self Focus-1. If you are completing this as a self-study course, write out your answers to the questions. If you are studying in a group, choose a small group leader to lead the discussion of the questions. Spend just a few minutes on them.

SELF FOCUS - 1
WHY DID BRUCE FAIL AND A J SUCCEED IN PLAYING THE GREATER GAME OF LIFE WHEN THEY BOTH LIVED THE DREAM OF COUNTLESS YOUNG MEN?

DO YOU THINK THAT WOMEN OR MEN FACE GREATER CHALLENGES WHEN TRYING TO WIN CONSISTENT FULFILLMENT?