Disaster in the form of existential or life-style caused frustration overwhelmed an old rural parish some years ago as a traditional way of life collapsed and a community fell apart due to twentieth/twenty-first century social and technological stresses. The farming community had been hard hit by drought, a serious decline in land values and a slump in commodity prices. Some church members were losing their sense of identity while others were living on the edge of financial disaster. Many kids were leaving and few in college were interested in returning home to farm. A brisk drug trade developed when some people tried to cope with their stresses chemically and two or three committed suicide when the stresses grew too great. Major changes had been frustrating the rural community for some time, even before the bland old pastor died and his assistant retired. The community’s spiritual, economic and social anchors were dragging and many people were frightened. When two new new priests arrived, they tried to adjust to reality by shifting with the times but unfortunately, that antagonized those fearful members who yearned to return to the past.
The young priests and nuns not only taught traditional religion, meaning to some of the people only what occurred within the walls of the sanctuary during worship, but also the virtue of demonstrating faith and love in the outside society. They wanted the people to understand the dozen debilitating American wars since World War II in spiritual terms, to ask their politicians why they were committing financial suicide in the name of faith and patriotism. The priests and nuns wanted their people committed to civil, legal and financial rights for minority people and to be generous when feeding, clothing and educating the poor migrant children who'd come north to labor in their fields. The leaders were trying to keep the church alive and attractive to the next generation by asking the people to openly discuss values that had always been irrelevant to faith as practiced in the long static community. As the farm economy faltered still more and farmers and merchants fell into trouble, some of the more frustrated and aggressive members of the parish started a campaign to get rid of the trouble-makers who challenged them. Thus, they assumed, they could return to the good old days. They didn’t understand that old traditions and ideologies succeed only in the times and situations which they evolved. One elderly member told me:
I don't even recognize my church anymore and I hate it! These priests are changing everything I know and love. Did not the holy fathers in Rome assure us for fifty years that fighting Commies was God's will and that we would be blessed for our loyalty to America and the church? Why is God punishing us now?
The fearful leaders didn't understand the law of unintended consequences. One paranoid group felt there had to be an evil plot of some kind causing their pain and some men formed a local militia to drive off the villains. Quarrels and fist fights broke out at the altar during communion and in the chancel after services. The priests were harassed at all hours of the day and night with obscene phone calls. Several cars were sabotaged and a church bus was burned and the nun principal of the parish school was forced off the road by a group of cursing militia-men in pickup trucks waving shotguns.
Both priests eventually resigned and Bishop Roy Blocker refused to send out replacements.
He said, no one trying to serve God should have to undergo the harsh judgments and treatments their priests and nuns did. The parish was no longer a community in Christ.
The church had always been a sanctuary for the several hundred farm and village families who worshipped together but it couldn't keep the world at bay in changing times. The anxious and alienated members of the parish crippled the congregation rather than adapt, when the only way they could survive was through accepting change and dealing with new circumstances. After he reopened the church, Bishop Blocker explained;
For centuries we brought our people up in a static and unchanging church atmosphere. We prided ourselves that as God’s church nothing ever changed. We were eternal. We still believe in the unchanging revelation that God made in Christ. But while God hasn’t changed, everything else has. Unfortunately, there will always be some persons who neurotically need more certitude than we can legitimately offer, a certitude that Jesus himself didn’t have in Jerusalem’s garden of olives when he questioned God’s mission for his life.
Thist is true spiritual bankruptcy suffered by many that is caused by the existence we choose or have forced on us by society. Lest you think that too strong an example of alienation, during the week this anecdote was first written, Jeff Rolvag, our handsome and charming next door neighbor hanged himself from a basement rafter not thirty feet from Jard’s desk. He had hidden his existential alienation very well but he certainly isn’t alone in his frustration and the aggression or apathy that follows.
SELF FOCUS -- Have you seen situations in families, schools, companies or communities when life style created frustration causes conflicts?
Showing posts with label life style. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life style. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
PERSONAL FULFILLMENT ASSESSMENT
Use our Personal Fulfillment Assessment to assess your Life's Meaning and Belonging.
READ EACH OF THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS AND THEN CHOSE THE NUMBER THAT MOST ACCURATELY DESCRIBES YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
SELDOM SOMETIMES OFTEN
1. I am satisfied with the way my life has a sense of purpose to it.
1 2 3 4 5
2. I have reasons to be enthusiastic about life and my place in it.
1 2 3 4 5
3. I study to learn better ways of achieving the good things I should be doing.
1 2 3 4 5
4. My life is free of trivial activities and shallow relationships.
1 2 3 4 5
5. I plan my activities with positive attitudes and high expectations.
1 2 3 4 5
6. My life follows my master plan for living wisely and wed.
1 2 3 4 5
7. My work seems a mission I should successfully complete.
1 2 3 4 5
8. I work at meaningful avocations in order to help other people.
1 2 3 4 5
9. I have satisfying relationships with both men and women.
1 2 3 4 5
10. I act on the fact that I have the freedom to mature spiritually.
1 2 3 4 5
Add your score and enter it here. MEANING ______
CONTINUE WITH THE STATEMENTS BELOW.
SELDOM SOMETIMES OFTEN
1. I experience a sense of awe about life.
1 2 3 4 5
2. I feel compassion for people in trouble.
1 2 3 4 5
3. The women and men with whom I work contribute to my life.
1 2 3 4 5
4. When my family, company or community has trouble I help out.
1 2 3 4 5
5. After a long trip I enjoy returning to familiar surroundings.
1 2 3 4 5
6. I participate in sports and entertainments appropriate to my age and shape.
1 2 3 4 5
7. I spend time with friends and relatives I love.
1 2 3 4 5
8. I vote and/or work for political candidates I trust.
1 2 3 4 5
9. I expect people to be ethical and honest when I deal with them.
1 2 3 4 5
10. I try to make the world a better place in which to live.
1 2 3 4 5
Add your score and enter it here. BELONGING_______
To plot your score, mark the MEANING score at the corresponding height on the vertical scale and the BELONGING score at the corresponding distance from the left on the horizontal scale. Then, extend both lines into the square to the point where they cross. Mark that spot for it will reveal the level of your satisfaction compared to the men and women who have used this scale in past Fulfillment Seminars. A score of 30 points vertically and horizontally registers average satisfaction. A score of 10 is low satisfaction and 50 is high satisfaction.
SATISFACTION SCALE
M 50 (high)
E
A
N 30 (medium)
I
N
G 10(low) 30(medium) 50(high)
B E L O N G I N G
Visit fulfillmentforum.com for more information about our free psychology self help ebooks, psychology courses and life style seminars about making you life count, relationships, marriage, spiritual freedom, world class leadership, career growth, parenting, influencing others - free ebooks and articles.
READ EACH OF THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS AND THEN CHOSE THE NUMBER THAT MOST ACCURATELY DESCRIBES YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
SELDOM SOMETIMES OFTEN
1. I am satisfied with the way my life has a sense of purpose to it.
1 2 3 4 5
2. I have reasons to be enthusiastic about life and my place in it.
1 2 3 4 5
3. I study to learn better ways of achieving the good things I should be doing.
1 2 3 4 5
4. My life is free of trivial activities and shallow relationships.
1 2 3 4 5
5. I plan my activities with positive attitudes and high expectations.
1 2 3 4 5
6. My life follows my master plan for living wisely and wed.
1 2 3 4 5
7. My work seems a mission I should successfully complete.
1 2 3 4 5
8. I work at meaningful avocations in order to help other people.
1 2 3 4 5
9. I have satisfying relationships with both men and women.
1 2 3 4 5
10. I act on the fact that I have the freedom to mature spiritually.
1 2 3 4 5
Add your score and enter it here. MEANING ______
CONTINUE WITH THE STATEMENTS BELOW.
SELDOM SOMETIMES OFTEN
1. I experience a sense of awe about life.
1 2 3 4 5
2. I feel compassion for people in trouble.
1 2 3 4 5
3. The women and men with whom I work contribute to my life.
1 2 3 4 5
4. When my family, company or community has trouble I help out.
1 2 3 4 5
5. After a long trip I enjoy returning to familiar surroundings.
1 2 3 4 5
6. I participate in sports and entertainments appropriate to my age and shape.
1 2 3 4 5
7. I spend time with friends and relatives I love.
1 2 3 4 5
8. I vote and/or work for political candidates I trust.
1 2 3 4 5
9. I expect people to be ethical and honest when I deal with them.
1 2 3 4 5
10. I try to make the world a better place in which to live.
1 2 3 4 5
Add your score and enter it here. BELONGING_______
To plot your score, mark the MEANING score at the corresponding height on the vertical scale and the BELONGING score at the corresponding distance from the left on the horizontal scale. Then, extend both lines into the square to the point where they cross. Mark that spot for it will reveal the level of your satisfaction compared to the men and women who have used this scale in past Fulfillment Seminars. A score of 30 points vertically and horizontally registers average satisfaction. A score of 10 is low satisfaction and 50 is high satisfaction.
SATISFACTION SCALE
M 50 (high)
E
A
N 30 (medium)
I
N
G 10(low) 30(medium) 50(high)
B E L O N G I N G
Visit fulfillmentforum.com for more information about our free psychology self help ebooks, psychology courses and life style seminars about making you life count, relationships, marriage, spiritual freedom, world class leadership, career growth, parenting, influencing others - free ebooks and articles.
Monday, April 20, 2009
THE LIFE-STYLE CHALLENGE - A Mini Quiz From YOUR SEARCH FOR A MEANINGFUL LIFE
The midway barker at the Minnesota State Fair didn't look much like a scholar. His fingernails were ragged and dirty and a broken tooth gave him a cynical and somewhat sinister leer. Tough Tony Gallo seemed an unlikely source from whom to learn about developing a fulfilling life. Nevertheless, he went right to one of the major elements of consistent satisfaction when he explained:
There you have it in a nutshell! Tony had just relieved Jard of several dollars in a futile attempt to win a stuffed panda for a granddaughter at his milk bottle toss game. Neither Jard's arm nor his aim is what either was in his youth but he was pleased with the transaction. After all, in these days of expensive psychotherapy, that was a cheap price for such excellent counsel about living joyously.
As our philosophical counselor with dirty fingernails so thoughtfully stated, each successful life has an ongoing flow that must be understood, even embraced, if we are to find a consistent sense of meaning and belonging through the powers we possess to invest in excellence. We can fulfill our potentialities only as we mature through more and more complex activities and satisfying relationships. As Tony said -- There ain’t no reverse gear.
As we have written, we humans have created a narcissistic, too pragmatic life-style that frustrates and alienates men and women and no one is automatically exempted from the lack of meaning and belonging inherent in a secular approach to satisfaction. Too many people try to get along without committing themselves to anything more meaningful or more permanent than their possessions, pleasure, prestige and power. They have naively accepted the unexamined assumption of this age that life can be made great by living through the physical and psychological aspects of existence while ignoring the spiritual or philosophical elements of life. That makes them like a person trying to relax comfortably on a two legged stool. One cannot do it, for he or she remains continually off balance without the philosophical factor in place. Living wisely - through the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life is vital. We knew two men who demonstrated extraordinarily well the need to mature spiritually in all aspects of life.
Bruce Bedow was a long time super-star running back in the National Football League. He lived the dream of countless young men as he set many records on the playing field. He relished proving him¬self superior to his opponents in their contests of skill and strength. Bruce especially loved the life-style of a professional athlete with admiring reporters, cheering crowds and nubile young women to whom he could relate from prestige and power rather than through mutual respect and responsibility. He boasted to his friends he'd had sex with a thousand women in his first few years of professional football. It was an adolescent male fantasy come true based on his physical ability and he is fortunate that he didn't contract AIDS as basketball star Magic Johnson did through his own irresponsible sexual choices. O.J. Simpson isn't the only wealthy celebrity to discover that cops, prosecutors and judges will bend and break the laws of their community to protect him. The multi-millionaire heir of a large grocery chain in Minneapolis shot to death his ex-wife and her lover and left the bodies in his lakeside mansion. It took the police two weeks to decide whether or not to arrest the millionaire murderer and then the city attorney politely requested he come in with his attorney. He could hardly be expected to issue an arrest warrant for a member of his own country club -- as he would for the police to haul in a hungry kid who'd stolen a bag of potato chips at one of the millionaire's stores!
The adults in Bruce's life - parents, coaches, community and school officials as well as the professional team's owners, helped freeze him in the long adolescence of professional sports. His sports fanatic father encouraged him to practice football rather than to study for his classes. When he failed a course, his high school principal changed the grade so he could continue playing on the team. The city police chief tore up many speeding and drunken driving tickets and the district attorney refused to follow up allegations by girls that he'd sexually assaulted them. Not only was Brace taught he was above the usual interactions and responsibilities of life, he failed to master the thousand and one ordinary tasks that make life run smoothly for people. The professional football team hired people to do his laundry, to clean his apartment, to drive his cars and to pay his bills. His attorneys soothed angry women he'd used and abused. They settled many barroom fights and cared for everything that would distract him from gaining a hundred yards on the playing field each week. His growth as a person was the last thing on anyone's mind. Bruce played pro football extraordinarily well but time took its toll and disaster struck.
Bruce tore an Achilles tendon and after ten years as a NFL hero, could no longer play the game that he loved more than his own maturity. Overnight, it seemed to him, the cheering ended, the reporters went away and girls no longer flocked to him. His money stopped coming and so did the nannies. The limousines vanished and he was lost in a world he understood not at all. For years Bruce haunted the stadium during games like a restless ghost and now works in a bar for a few dollars an hour and tips. His three marriages fell apart because he'd never learned how to relate to women as individuals of worth rather than as objects of his personal pleasure. A great many young men destroy their relationships with similar selfish attitudes about women. Once she saw past his fame, no strong, competent woman wanted anything to do with so self-centered a male. She could see he was a perpetual adolescent rather than a real person. Bruce recently told a reporter he'd give ten years to play one more season of professional ball. This tragic, unhappy man froze with a nihilistic approach to fife; he stopped pedaling his bicycle uphill and it has crippled him. And while the many people who used him for their personal reasons contributed to his unhappiness, the ultimate responsibility for his growth was always his own. One of his professional teammates understood this very well.
Crazy A J Johnson was considered by many sports writers and coaches to be the best defensive back in the NFL at the time. His game was so intense and wild that despite being rather small for a professional, A J was an impact player who could win a game on a single play with a timely interception. When a Vikings running back was being chided for letting A J ruin his game one Sunday, he shrugged and said:
Although a fearless and fearsome competitor on the field -- and given to outlandish stories and quips that kept him prominent in the media -- A J took the big money but chose wisely for life after football. When Bruce and the boys went out boozing and picking up girls, he came home to his wife and the kids and his textbooks. He remained committed to his church and served in several community activities. He completed his M A degree and about the time he could no longer play pro ball, successfully defended his PhD dissertation to his graduate committee. Without missing a beat, wild and crazy A J the roughneck hero, became the much respected Doctor Johnson who serves quite well in a superb college with young people coming out of the ghetto he escaped by harnessing first his physical and then his mental powers along lines of excellence. A J is still pedaling along while Bruce has coasted to a stop so far as a meaningful life goes. You must do the same if you want consistent satisfaction for yourself, your family, your organization and your community.
Complete Self Focus-1. If you are completing this as a self-study course, write out your answers to the questions. If you are studying in a group, choose a small group leader to lead the discussion of the questions. Spend just a few minutes on them.
SELF FOCUS - 1
WHY DID BRUCE FAIL AND A J SUCCEED IN PLAYING THE GREATER GAME OF LIFE WHEN THEY BOTH LIVED THE DREAM OF COUNTLESS YOUNG MEN?
DO YOU THINK THAT WOMEN OR MEN FACE GREATER CHALLENGES WHEN TRYING TO WIN CONSISTENT FULFILLMENT?
LIFE'S SORTA LIKE RIDIN' A BICYCLE UPHILL. YA GOTTA KEEP PEDALING ALONG OR YA GOTTA STOP AND GET OFF. THERE AIN'T NO REVERSE GEAR AND YA GOTTA KEEP YER BALANCE.
There you have it in a nutshell! Tony had just relieved Jard of several dollars in a futile attempt to win a stuffed panda for a granddaughter at his milk bottle toss game. Neither Jard's arm nor his aim is what either was in his youth but he was pleased with the transaction. After all, in these days of expensive psychotherapy, that was a cheap price for such excellent counsel about living joyously.
As our philosophical counselor with dirty fingernails so thoughtfully stated, each successful life has an ongoing flow that must be understood, even embraced, if we are to find a consistent sense of meaning and belonging through the powers we possess to invest in excellence. We can fulfill our potentialities only as we mature through more and more complex activities and satisfying relationships. As Tony said -- There ain’t no reverse gear.
As we have written, we humans have created a narcissistic, too pragmatic life-style that frustrates and alienates men and women and no one is automatically exempted from the lack of meaning and belonging inherent in a secular approach to satisfaction. Too many people try to get along without committing themselves to anything more meaningful or more permanent than their possessions, pleasure, prestige and power. They have naively accepted the unexamined assumption of this age that life can be made great by living through the physical and psychological aspects of existence while ignoring the spiritual or philosophical elements of life. That makes them like a person trying to relax comfortably on a two legged stool. One cannot do it, for he or she remains continually off balance without the philosophical factor in place. Living wisely - through the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life is vital. We knew two men who demonstrated extraordinarily well the need to mature spiritually in all aspects of life.
Bruce Bedow was a long time super-star running back in the National Football League. He lived the dream of countless young men as he set many records on the playing field. He relished proving him¬self superior to his opponents in their contests of skill and strength. Bruce especially loved the life-style of a professional athlete with admiring reporters, cheering crowds and nubile young women to whom he could relate from prestige and power rather than through mutual respect and responsibility. He boasted to his friends he'd had sex with a thousand women in his first few years of professional football. It was an adolescent male fantasy come true based on his physical ability and he is fortunate that he didn't contract AIDS as basketball star Magic Johnson did through his own irresponsible sexual choices. O.J. Simpson isn't the only wealthy celebrity to discover that cops, prosecutors and judges will bend and break the laws of their community to protect him. The multi-millionaire heir of a large grocery chain in Minneapolis shot to death his ex-wife and her lover and left the bodies in his lakeside mansion. It took the police two weeks to decide whether or not to arrest the millionaire murderer and then the city attorney politely requested he come in with his attorney. He could hardly be expected to issue an arrest warrant for a member of his own country club -- as he would for the police to haul in a hungry kid who'd stolen a bag of potato chips at one of the millionaire's stores!
The adults in Bruce's life - parents, coaches, community and school officials as well as the professional team's owners, helped freeze him in the long adolescence of professional sports. His sports fanatic father encouraged him to practice football rather than to study for his classes. When he failed a course, his high school principal changed the grade so he could continue playing on the team. The city police chief tore up many speeding and drunken driving tickets and the district attorney refused to follow up allegations by girls that he'd sexually assaulted them. Not only was Brace taught he was above the usual interactions and responsibilities of life, he failed to master the thousand and one ordinary tasks that make life run smoothly for people. The professional football team hired people to do his laundry, to clean his apartment, to drive his cars and to pay his bills. His attorneys soothed angry women he'd used and abused. They settled many barroom fights and cared for everything that would distract him from gaining a hundred yards on the playing field each week. His growth as a person was the last thing on anyone's mind. Bruce played pro football extraordinarily well but time took its toll and disaster struck.
Bruce tore an Achilles tendon and after ten years as a NFL hero, could no longer play the game that he loved more than his own maturity. Overnight, it seemed to him, the cheering ended, the reporters went away and girls no longer flocked to him. His money stopped coming and so did the nannies. The limousines vanished and he was lost in a world he understood not at all. For years Bruce haunted the stadium during games like a restless ghost and now works in a bar for a few dollars an hour and tips. His three marriages fell apart because he'd never learned how to relate to women as individuals of worth rather than as objects of his personal pleasure. A great many young men destroy their relationships with similar selfish attitudes about women. Once she saw past his fame, no strong, competent woman wanted anything to do with so self-centered a male. She could see he was a perpetual adolescent rather than a real person. Bruce recently told a reporter he'd give ten years to play one more season of professional ball. This tragic, unhappy man froze with a nihilistic approach to fife; he stopped pedaling his bicycle uphill and it has crippled him. And while the many people who used him for their personal reasons contributed to his unhappiness, the ultimate responsibility for his growth was always his own. One of his professional teammates understood this very well.
Crazy A J Johnson was considered by many sports writers and coaches to be the best defensive back in the NFL at the time. His game was so intense and wild that despite being rather small for a professional, A J was an impact player who could win a game on a single play with a timely interception. When a Vikings running back was being chided for letting A J ruin his game one Sunday, he shrugged and said:
I KNOW A J ISN'T VERY BIG BUT IT'S REALLY AWKWARD TRYING TO RUN WITH HIS HUNDRED SEVENTY POUNDS WRAPPED AROUND YOUR HEAD.
Although a fearless and fearsome competitor on the field -- and given to outlandish stories and quips that kept him prominent in the media -- A J took the big money but chose wisely for life after football. When Bruce and the boys went out boozing and picking up girls, he came home to his wife and the kids and his textbooks. He remained committed to his church and served in several community activities. He completed his M A degree and about the time he could no longer play pro ball, successfully defended his PhD dissertation to his graduate committee. Without missing a beat, wild and crazy A J the roughneck hero, became the much respected Doctor Johnson who serves quite well in a superb college with young people coming out of the ghetto he escaped by harnessing first his physical and then his mental powers along lines of excellence. A J is still pedaling along while Bruce has coasted to a stop so far as a meaningful life goes. You must do the same if you want consistent satisfaction for yourself, your family, your organization and your community.
Complete Self Focus-1. If you are completing this as a self-study course, write out your answers to the questions. If you are studying in a group, choose a small group leader to lead the discussion of the questions. Spend just a few minutes on them.
SELF FOCUS - 1
WHY DID BRUCE FAIL AND A J SUCCEED IN PLAYING THE GREATER GAME OF LIFE WHEN THEY BOTH LIVED THE DREAM OF COUNTLESS YOUNG MEN?
DO YOU THINK THAT WOMEN OR MEN FACE GREATER CHALLENGES WHEN TRYING TO WIN CONSISTENT FULFILLMENT?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Secrets of Lovers Relationships
The Loving Psychology of Life-Long Sexual Intimacy
* Do You want exciting intimacy?
* Do You want to save or improve your marriage or relationship?
* Do you want less conflict in your relationship?
* Do You want to have greater influence with your lover?
Click Here Now Secrets of Lovers Relationships or read more..
Our Printable eBook Course shows you how to create a meaningful relationship that assures permanent love and consistent joyful sexuality with printable self-focus exercises and projects in every chapter.
The Course Includes:
* Your Keys to a Loving and Lasting Relationship.
* Benefit: learn the personal tools to revitalize and fulfill your
relationship.
* Consistent joyful sexuality in your relationship.
* Benefit: achieve sexual intimacy without guilt or game playing to increase your joy.
* Predict your Personality Pattern to influence and your partners.
* Benefit: learn specific communication techniques to better influence your partner.
* Learn to manage your conflicts through the Three Stage Conflict Avoidance and Control ASRAC PROCESS.
* Benefit: learning this alone could save your marriage or relationship.
* Create Couple's Contracts that really work for you and your partner.
* Benefit: negotiate about money, sex, discipline and everything else without conflict.
* Self-Focus Exercises in every Chapter.
* Benefit: achieve personal empowerment and understanding.
* Learn many interesting things about yourself and your partner with our Personality Pattern Predictor.
Men and women are mirror image souls who need one another for fulfillment - for intimacy caresses through the long nights of winter, for the yin and yang of masculine and feminine strengths, for perpetuating ourselves immortally through our children.
100% satisfaction is our goal: ordering, customer service and selection. If you are unhappy with your purchase for any reason, please contact us immediately. We promise to do everything we can to make things right and offer a 90 day money back guarantee or trade if you prefer.
Warmly,
Jard and Roberta DeVille
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