Why do we resist change? Most People live with the illusion that humans welcome change but the fact is we do not --unless it is to our immediate and obvious advantage. And even then it is difficult for most people to cope with a major shift although they desperately yearn for something new. Read the article and take the quiz.
When Dorothy Hamill won the gold medal for figure skating during one of the Winter Olympics, it was a magnificent accomplishment for a twenty year old girl. But it's possible Dorothy did not spend one hour planning what she would do should she win her heart's desire. No sooner did she come home than a flock of leeches pounced on her, taking advantage of her innocence to use and abuse her for their own financial benefit. They confused Dorothy and brought such conflict that she went into emotional shock that complicated her life. She eventually skated again in her own ice show, having matured as an entertainer but it took almost ten years to cope with the major changes a gold medal brought to her. Of course, she isn't alone. Not a year goes by that famous young athletes and actors don't ruin their prospects through the use of drugs and the abuse of other people. Too much change that comes too fast is always a problem.
Because humans were so long evolving into what we are today, with our emotions still far more primitive than our intelligence and logic, it seems entirely likely that our fear of and resistance to change is carried in our very genes. Change came very slowly to our ancestors. We suspect that President William Howard Taft from the late 1800s would have felt more at home in ancient Rome or Greece than he would in contemporary America. There have been more changes in society from 1890/1900 when our fathers and grandfathers were born than from 200 B.C. to 1900. And the tempo of change continues to increase. Life seems to be turning upside down and that's very frustrating. Who could have believed at the end of World War II that skinny little Vietnamese riflemen, shivering with malaria in the monsoon, would maul United States Marines severely enough to lose America the Indochina War? Or that a rag-tag bunch of Islamic fundamentalists could hold American diplomats captive for years and then force a president of the United States to wreck our economic future with massive debts and to cripple the American Bill of Rights? We all resist change unless we win some immediate benefit and yet, it keeps sweeping over us despite our crying out -- Stop the world - I want to get off! No sooner do we win a bit of physical and psychological comfort than our key activities and relationships shift into a new and challenging mode and we are forced to rethink our values, attitudes and choices. We all to often fear and resist anything that is different from life when we were learning who we were and how we fit into the scheme of things.
However, simply knowing that change is inevitable and that most people resist adapting does little to move us beyond useless traditions and crippling ideologies from the past. We need to adapt and make responsible choices as did a friend of ours -- Susan Frey who'd been conditioned by her grandparents and parents to think of herself as a broodmare. Susan had married young as women of her generation were expected to do, had three children in quick succession and settled in to be a traditional housewife to a bread-winning husband. She and Harold even attended a week long seminar in which a religious educator taught that the father was the commanding officer who gave the orders, the mother was the company adjutant who stayed home and carried them out and the children were troopers who saluted and did as they were told. Unfortunately, that simplistic approach was disastrous. Sue grew weary of doing all the scut work and Harold became tired of being responsible for everything else. He fled the family, leaving Susan with no money, no job skills and no security, in other words, one of the 20th centuries major problems, an irresponsible husband and father living in a self-defeating patriarchal model of marriage, came crashing through her life. It became worse. When she turned to her family and church for support, both failed her badly.
Her parents - especially her mother - blamed her for Harold's desertion. Had Susan, her mother insisted, been a good wife her husband would have stayed home as Susan's father did when they'd faced problems years earlier. They offered largely criticism as their daughter struggled to survive. Her pastor, who'd brought into the community the military style family seminar leader, took Susan to task even more severely. He preached sermons that one Sunday condemned working mothers who sent their children to day-care centers and the next Sunday blasted lazy welfare women who failed to teach their kids the values inherent in standing on their own two feet. It was a catch twenty-two approach used by a reactionary man who hid behind a pulpit and chose out of context scriptures through which to make fear driven, anti-women attacks.
A social worker finally rescued Susan by helping her find work and child care and to enter a nursing program. Being a single parent and a working mother was the hardest thing Susan ever did, but she continued maturing until she became an outstanding nurse. She joined a religious community that supported her rather than railing at single mothers who didn't live in the traditional manner with a husband - with any man who'd have her, even if he crippled her in a drunken rage or brought herpes or AIDS home. In one of our seminars, Susan said:
Not only do most men refuse a ready made family, I wasn't eager to marry some bozo who'd give me more kids before running off as Harold did. I've had fine relationships - I'm in a loving and supportive one now - with a good guy I love. Perhaps we'll marry and perhaps we won't. Once I learned how to change my world. how to stand on my own feet with a good job, life became satisfying for me and my children.
By maturing steadily, by coping with change rather than freezing in the past, Susan developed the knowledge and wisdom needed to reject the naive advice given by her parents and pastor. Sue eventually became a fully functional person rather than clinging as a subordinate, second class wife to an immature man. She matured through persistence and hard work and is now the resident nurse in a fine manufacturing firm. So must we all mature when we set out to change our world - when we seek a better, more meaningful life.
Remember - while we are asking what the meaning of life is - life is consistently asking us what meaning we are creating for ourselves by managing change wisely. Life demands that we make our attitudes, activities and relationships personality purposeful within our families, companies and communities, in the schools, hospitals and governmental agencies in which we serve humankind. Life challenges us to mature spiritually, to focus all our powers along lines of excellence, to become fully human rather than remaining unhouse-broken barbarians who use and abuse other persons. Successful lives must be connected physically, psychologically and philosophically to individuals and organizations that are actively searching for fulfillment along avenues of achievement rather than simply accepting some decaying status quo.
SELF-FOCUS
WHY DO INDIVIDUALS AND ESPECIALLY ORGANIZATIONS CONSISTENTLY RESIST CHANGE EVEN WHEN MAINTAINING THE STATUS QUO IS HARMFUL?
WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN OCCURRING WHEN PEOPLE ARE UNPREPARED FOR CHANGE BECAUSE THEY'D ASSUMED LIFE WOULD REMAIN STATIC?
HOW FAR SHOULD SOMEONE LIKE SUSAN GO IN REJECTING THE ADVICE OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO REAL STAKE IN HER GAME?
Jard DeVille; Psychology Dept. Chair at Westminster College; Director of the Learning And Learning Disabilities Clinic with the University of Wisconsin, also taught in the Executive Development Program at the University of Arizona. He's published many psychology books, seminars and test instruments. He's considered by many to be one of America's foremost leadership scholars. Permission to use if attributed to author with his website address.
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