Existential Psychology & Narcissism - Mini-Quiz For The 99%

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When we use existential as in existential psychology, existential alienation or an existential vacuum, we the authors mean only that the topic under discussion relates to the satisfying, mediocre or disappointing lifestyle men and women choose or have thrust upon them by society. For us, existential or life style values, attitudes, expectations, beliefs and choices have no connection with the purposeless European philosophy formerly called existentialism or know now as secular nihilism.

The anti-spiritual or too pragmatic devotees of nihilism which is a selfish belief in disbelief (or of meaninglessness) have devastated entire nineteenth and twentieth century generations with a hundred million battle deaths plus a great many political, religious and financial disasters within many nations. Life can still become nasty, brutish and short for many naïve or simply unfortunate women and men from a society that seems to have lost the ability to serve its members with wisdom.

Consider the sad fate of the millions of families who have lost their employment,life savings, educational opportunities and homes since 2008 because of the greed of a relatively few narcissistic investment bankers like Bernie Madoff and his ruthless narcissist peers who dominate the American Congress so completely that our much despised legislators have only a nine or ten percent approval rating by their victims.

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It was Sigmund Freud who resurrected the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus who was so enamored with his own beauty and charm that he rejected the worth of all other persons and eventually destroyed himself. Freud wove this all too common human failing into his psychoanalysis treatment system to represent the many neurotic souls who remain too selfish to co-operate with women and men in sound relationships and ventures.

The narcissistic scams that caused the world wide financial disaster of 2008 -- with a double dip recession threatened across Europe in 2011 and 2012 when few new jobs were created -- were neither acts of God nor the normal vicissitudes of fate. They were orchestrated by no more than three hundred or so wicked investment banker sharks and their greedy remoras. These were the primary users and abusers One percent of society who invented the mortgage bundling and other wicked schemes that sabotaged the world’s financial system in order to increase their already vast personal and institutional fortunes. Those greedy investment bankers certainly verified the old French witticism:

Behind every vast fortune is someone’s limitless greed and his great crime.
This was surely the case during the early twenty-first century mortgage scam that ravaged the world by those three hundred or so financial manipulators who control so much wealth that they fancy themselves beyond the physical, political, legal, financial and pychospiritual values and traditions that keep most ordinary persons honest stewards of their responsibilities and rewards.

These financial narcissists that included reactionary politicians, fundamental preachers and ideological plutocrats -- certainly did not feel required to obey the rules and regulations of governance and business that keep the peasants of society laboring for as little income as possible! The limitless narcissism of no more ideologues who could be carried aboard one Boeing 747 on a single flight, has made it much more difficult for we honest, hard working people to find consistent sources of life-style satisfaction for ourselves, our families and our institutions.

We reasonably well adjusted homosapien creature-selves have always been self-centered to some degree, although the narcissistic approach to existence emerged full blown from the anti-spiritual European assumption that we humans evolved by chance from a series of meaningless events - that we sentient beings appeared on earth because of a great Cosmic accident. Thus, a rigorous spirituality and sound ethics seemed pointless superstitions to deeply secular men and women. Both spirituality and ethics were often replaced by the less demanding feel-good esthetics of literature and the arts. Therefore, since the origins of life per se were considered a random event and human life a meaningless accident rather than spiritual and purposeful in nature -- the powerful triad of narcissistic users and abusers emerged in society; they prospered in virtually all research universities, governments, association, religions and corporations -- eventually deciding that our grubbing for personal possessions, power, prestige and pleasure could satisfy our souls. Thus, it seemed to make sense to secular minded manipulators that ordinary people should be satisfied by simply eating, drinking, fornicating and being merry because tomorrow we die. The narcissistic triad that we shall later discuss in greater detail include the following narcissists with their most damaging yearnings that well up out of their badly wounded souls --


REACTIONARY POLITICIANS WHO CRAVE TOTAL POWER OVER HUMANITY

FUNDAMENTAL PREACHERS WHO CRAVE OBEDIENCE AS GOD’S PROPHETS

IDEOLOGICAL PLUTOCRATS WHO CRAVE ENOUGH WEALTH TO DEFY DEATH


The cleverly orchestrated financial assault pre-2008 against society eventually self-destructed because great greed creates conflicting bubbles that inevitably burst after the perpetrators have taken to their golden parachutes. The recent financial manipulators simply couldn’t bring themselves to stop raiding our industrial civilization when they had already garnered enough wealth from ordinary families to cripple the entire world. This is why eight out of every ten contemporary Americans report that they are deeply frustrated with the way our nation’s politicians have stopped protecting the ordinary citizens who have neither the knowledge and wealth nor the time and strength needed to protect themselves from clever abusers who so corrupted our political system that the people cannot rely on it. Our many reactionary legislators have allowed this narcissistic triad of manipulators to cripple our once affluent middle class with its vast purchasing power that for decades kept America prosperous. As the great Elizabethan Era Lord McCauley wrote - virtually every dynasty, society, company or religion eventually commits suicide when the vested aristocracy refuses to adapt as circumstances shift and the powerful elite must change their ways or perish.

Much personal and communal cooperation simply fades away among the secular users and abusers who live primarily for possessions, power, prestige and pleasure -- who often plunge ruthlessly along without a lasting sense of spiritual purpose for their labors and permanence in their relationships. Faith, hope and love are considered delusions of weak souls who haven’t the ruthlessness and strength to wrest everything they desire from a naïve society. The peasants shall have to be satisfied with their weak families and friends, their work and simple games and their absurd worship -- while the manipulators skim the cream off the top. This is still the rationalization of wounded souls who are driven neurotically to seize so much wealth and power from society that they can never be challenged again. Not even by death! Of course this self-defeating narcissism of crippled creature-selves appeals to the young, restless and discontented as well as to many narcissistic adults who are determined to become powerful and prestigious in life regardless of whom they use and abuse along the way.

Living for more and more possessions, power, pleasure and prestige alone, rather than completing purposeful activities and developing permanent relationships, goes against the grain of every personalized or living religion and every legitimate philosophy of existence. Normally healthy women and men are first, last and always spiritual creature-selves who need both the mystical and earthy aspects of life within the Cosmos in order to become completely human. Unfortunately, narcissism and nihilism do virtually nothing to open avenues of personal meaning in places where we belong communally among good people with whom we share love, labor and leadership.

Nevertheless -- despite our inevitable frustrations and challenges of a life crippled by its obvious legitimate secular and materialistic needs, the application of Frankl and DeVille Logotherapy concepts and processes does indeed remove many discontents and frustrations through a sound psychospiritual development of personal meaning in places where we belong among good persons. Download Your Search For A Meaningful Life, to read more.

Mini-Quiz

WRITE A SAMPLE SENTENCE OR TWO THAT DEFINES THE TERM “EXISTENTIAL",  TO YOUR SATISFACTION.

WHEN HAVE YOU HAD TO COPE WITH THE EVIL NARCISSISTIC TRIAD OF REACTIONARY POLITICIANS, FUNDAMENTAL PREACHERS AND IDEOLOGICAL PLUTOCRATS? THEIR VICTIMS.

Jard DeVille has published more than a score of psychology books, seminars and psychological assessment instruments. His book NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST was a powerful best seller. THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LEADERSHIP was New American Library's offering in their Executive Development Series. Download Your Search For A Meaningful Life and visit Logotherapy Learning Center and The Fulfillment Forum for Free Ebooks.

THE LOVE PYRAMID - Mini Course

We must insist on this right here -- up front. As St. Paul and many other brilliant scholars of the human condition told us, a satisfying life must combine faith, hope and love -- with the greatest element of all being love.

Certainly we have found nothing that even remotely takes the place of love in our lives and our relationships with each other, our children, their children and their children's kids. With love, virtually everything falls into place. Without love, nothing fits well into the mosaic of a meaningful life.

Also, after everything else you can say about humans -- after discussing the personality patterns, life-themes, values, attitudes and expectations we write about, we agree with psychological great -- Carl Rogers and with John the Beloved Disciple. There are only two kinds of people in the world. The two are not black and white, rich and poor or even male and female, as much as we appreciate that last arrangement that seems especially created for our benefit.

There are only persons who are capable of loving others and persons who do not love anyone except those who in one way or another contribute something of value to themselves.

A vital factor we must discuss in the beginning is that while the love and sexual intimacy a couple shares is vital to satisfaction, the physical attractions of our youthful years are never enough to carry a man and woman through a life-time. In our FULFILLMENT course, a companion program to this, we have written extensively about existential frustration and alienation that occurs when men and women fail to find a consistent sense of purpose in their lives. We cannot even find happiness by seeking it -- happiness is a fleeting by-product of living a consistently meaningful life. Like sleep during a restless night, the harder we pursue happiness, the faster it flees from us. When we spend our years seeking happiness through pleasure, possessions, prestige and power -- lacking a sense of purpose in our activities and permanence in our relationships, life remains secular and pointless and becomes conflicted with confusion and discouragement. And that is simply too much to expect the sexual relationship of a man and woman to overcome. Humans need more -- we believe that each person requires the crucial support that comes from living a complete life -- that occurs through:

Worshipping devoutly, relating warmly, serving faithfully, learning wisely, persevering bravely and playing enthusiastically.

Unless we develop mature attitudes and high expectations, no marriage can succeed. Most young couples who divorce and put their children under great stress simply abandon their marriages much too soon. There is a great deal to be said for toughing it out through the learning curve, for becoming better partners rather than shopping around for some wonderful and perfect lover who will cater to your every whim. You shall have to become a spiritually maturing person to whom your partner can relate in love and friendship, without becoming your stooge. Hang on until both lovers become more maturity along life's journey. Actually, in marriage as in most of life, much satisfaction comes from showing up when needed, just being there on time for the people who love you.

A loving couple that matures in faith, hope and love, through grace within the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life, will love far more deeply than they did during the simplistic and usually naive sexual urges of youth.


THE LOVE PYRAMID

To be at its best, love must mature up through the motivational pyramid shown here. To stop in one of the lower tiers is to limit the joy a person can enjoy in a lasting relationship.




Becoming *** PHILOSOPHICAL *** Purpose/Permanence

Doing *** PSYCHOLOGICAL *** Power/Prestige

Having *** PHYSICAL *** Pleasure/Pain


PHYSICAL LOVE -- (Pleasure/Pain) Love that is limited to the physical aspects of a relationship is focused largely on arousal, passion and tension release. It makes little difference who the partner is. Any compliant body can be used, for the person is secondary to the pleasure being received by the user. Such physical passion can be shifted from one sexual supplier to another with little or no regret or concern, from one seduction to the next, as Joe Namath boasted when he slept with a thousand women in his first few years of playing professional football. Such a person can go from one prostitute to another, from one singles bar to the next, from a tryst with one lover to a new one. One night stands, sexual fantasies, pornographic movies and books and wily seductions occur within the physical aspects of love. When one person is used for another's pleasure, even if both agree in advance, it is little more than mutual masturbation. If the other person is abused or damaged in the relationship, he or she can be discarded and replaced with no more regret than for a piece of malfunctioning machinery. Many adolescents, in the first wild rush of sexuality, relate to one another at this primitive level. Unfortunately, many adults fail to mature beyond it. They continue romancing, marrying, divorcing and romancing again in a madcap search for a perfect partner, chasing the wild excitement of youth in a stage that needs a lot more stability in order to be satisfying.

Only this morning as this chapter is being written, we attended the funeral of a friend who made a great deal of money through his knowledge and energy. Donald Knopf was as hard a worker as we've ever known, not only for himself but for the poor and needy of the community. He gave an enormous amount of time and money to helping people with problems. Nevertheless, as his friends and relatives filled the front pews, we've never seen such a complex mix of brothers and sisters, half sisters and brothers, cousins, in-laws and former wives in our lives. At the age of fifty-five Don was still falling in and out of love like a teen-ager, still drifting from one woman to the next, giving her several children before falling out of love and seeking a better partner. He never did think in terms of becoming a better husband and father rather than wanting a perfect lover who would let him feel the sexual excitement of youth again. He never matured into the second and third tier of a loving relationship and if he enjoyed a long succession of sexual partners, his dozen children from several families have had a difficult time growing up without a father.

PSYCHOLOGICAL LOVE -- (Power/Prestige) In this aspect of a relationship, physical arousal, pleasure and satiation occurs as in the physical but the affection doesn't stop there. This is a deeper relationship that binds lovers together as they mature through the more complex needs and activities of adult love. The lovers not only desire one another for what each offers, but both have a deeper investment in the other's health and happiness. They trust each other with their egos, because loving another person makes you vulnerable as well as calling up protective feelings. This is the level at which many good marriages and love affairs function, especially in the more mellow middle years and while the lovers do care deeply about each other, they may still have difficult times. After all, while you and your lover love each other, differences of opinion and a variety of needs remain. Few couples never quarrel just because they love one another. Jard knew two young people who lived together as lovers without making the final commitment of marriage. Mildred was a graduate student in psychology and Henry an executive in a huge corporation. She said, when she was being offered a teaching and research job in a distant university:

I love Harry, I really do, but he cannot leave town with me. Changing companies now would cost him a vice-presidency at 3 M and I cannot ask for that. But then, I cannot see that my research and teaching about childhood learning is any less importance to society than selling glue and sandpaper. If I insisted he come to Columbus, he's soon resent me and If I turned down my offer there to stay here with him, I'd soon feel I'd given up too much after having worked so hard for my doctorate. I have to be true to my own vision of a fulfilling life.

Millie and Harry flew back and forth for a year or so but eventually drifted apart and met and married other lovers. Perhaps it was just as well they found someone else, for their careers meant more to them when they separated than the relationship.

PHILOSOPHICAL LOVE -- (Purpose/Permanence) This third aspect of love includes the passion from the physical and the sense of belonging from the psychological as it continues to include crucial spiritual elements of a lasting love relationship. The lovers have matured beyond the limitations of psychological games that cause pain to become tender and compassionate. They live with a lasting sense of purpose and permanence in the affair for they know they belong together for life. The lovers support each other against all attackers; see the relationship as being spiritual and having mystical overtones. There is neither a desire to find a substitute sexual partner nor a determination to play a dominance game through which the lover is manipulated and used. Such a love affair has taken on a lovely patina of faith, hope and love as well as grace, a glow that is shared in mutual satisfaction. The development of love at this level takes time, although for many it comes long before the later stages of one's life. The whirling of two eccentric personalities around different centers of gravity sooner or later abraid a loving fit although for some time it may include considerable smoke and flying sparks!

To best focus your love in the philosophical aspects of life, mature as a person and behave as a loving soul:

BECOME WARM AND ACCEPTING OF YOUR LOVER -- Perceive the other as a viable and independent personality rather than as a second rate appendage to yourself.

BECOME ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTIVE OF KEY CHOICES -- Help your lover become more and more knowledgeable and wise about life's opportunities.

BECOME TOLERANT OF LIFE'S INEVITABLE GROWTH FRICTION -- No two persons ever mature at the same rate - one will grow, causing tension and only later will the other catch up.

It's common for psychologists and counselors to recommend we accept the people we love for what they are. However, that isn't good enough for by accepting them as they already are, we may be condemning them to mediocrity. We must accept the persons we help for what they have the potential to become. Don't nag, of course, but help others mature consistently through the channels of fulfillment. Your spouse, your children and your friends and relatives deserve this of you.

Always accept the fact that you can control only one half of a relationship, your half, while your lover controls his or her half. Trying to control another adult's half is a quick step to a relationship disaster for no individual worthy of love and respect will let a neurotic control freak dominate themselves, their children and their choices.

Remember;

The only way two lovers can agree all the time is when one them stops thinking.

The only way to keep an accepting lover is to become an accepting lover.

The fact that we disagree and occasionally quarrel doesn't mean we are not in love.


Two people in the very elastic harness of marriage seldom mature at the same rate and that spells trouble in many relationships. A woman who's been a secretary for twenty years and comes home one evening to announce she's been accepted in a law school program is rocking her family's boat. So is the middle manager who informs his kids, attending an exclusive and expensive private school, that he's taking a year off work to write a novel, that they'll have to attend a public school and stop buying designer clothes.

Growth friction can be compared to movement between the earth's great tectonic plates. The silent, hidden movement can be so slow as to remain invisible for a long time although stresses keep building. Finally, the pressures become greater than the resistance and the landscape lurches into motion as an earthquake. Sometimes windows are broken and crockery smashed. Some long-standing buildings cannot take the strain and they collapse. Just as many marriages do when the relationship cannot stand the changes occurring in them because the lovers mature at different speeds and in different directions.


PROJECT ONE -- LOVE LEVEL IDENTIFICATION

To discover the level of your love for another person, physical, psychological or philosophical, in the pleasure/pain, power/prestige or purpose/permanence aspects of existence, complete this project.

FIRST -- Relax comfortably in a chair or on a bed.

Visualize in your mind the image of the person you now love or most recently loved in an adult relationship. Think of the reasons you loved this person, recall his or her good points in the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life. Fix the image of that lover firmly in your mind.

SECOND -- Accept the fact or a terrible tragedy.

Through an automobile accident or an unexpected illness, your lover dies suddenly. He or she is gone - there's no doubt about it. You are left alone. Accept your loss, mourn it deeply, feel frustration and anger but in time you realize you must continue living. There is your job to do and children to love, friends to support -- so you start adapting despite the deep loss.

THIRD -- Receive a great gift from God.

Through the remarkable science of cloning, God offers you a perfect double of that dear, lost lover. The clone is perfect in every detail. He or she looks talks and thinks like the lover, makes love the same way and supports you in the same manner. He or she wants your support also.

There is only one catch in your miracle. You and your newly restored lover didn't share the mutual experiences and relationships you had in the past. Both the good and the bad are missing from the relationship you and your original lover shared. You are starting at square one now.


NOW -- To identify the level at which your current love is operating, transfer your love to the newly cloned lover. Tell how you shall do that.

If you can readily transfer your love to the new lover, your love is operating at the pleasure/pain or physical level.

If your love can be transferred with some new experiences and a growing relationship, it is functioning at the power/prestige or psychological level.

If your love cannot be transferred without an entire galaxy of mutually satisfying experiences, your love is currently at the purpose/permanence or the philosophical level.

ELEMENTS OF MATURITY Mini-course

There are five aspects of maturity that are crucial to a person’s efforts when maturing as a person of faith, hope, love and significance.   Each one is important to an ambitious person but when they are integrated into one’s life-style, they become powerful indeed.  

Spiritual Values (Ethical Virtues) --  are vital in a maturing life -style because they determine what we consistently do because something is right or never do because something else is wrong.  When strong personal and family or organizational values are in place, people can usually avoid most of the self-defeating choices that haunt individuals and families.  Not only do ethical virtues give us a standard against which to measure our intentions, thus avoiding mistakes,  they allow our decisions to be made without endless  discussions, debates and agonizing introspection sessions.  

Positive Attitudes -- are rooted in the personal world view of individual members and entire families or organizations.  When  men and women develop positive attitudes because of  faithful and friendly connections, there are few limits as to what they can accomplish together.  Sound attitudes enable a family to mature in love and service because many more people are included in meaningful attitudes and activities.  

High Expectations -- work wonders in groups and for individuals that aim high rather than toward mediocre results and rewards.   There are indeed miracles accomplished by dreams that are visualized by dedicated men and women and brought to fruition by a community of achievers that works well together.  

Mature Beliefs --  are based on a real understanding of how people and things work in the real world.  You may believe that most people are trustworthy but don’t invest your bankroll without trusting and verifying the honesty of the salesman.  Existential psychologist  Wayne Dyer has written quite well on the power of beliefs in his book YOU’LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT.   

Responsible Choices -- this is where the rubber of life meets the road through planning well to identify an important goal,  create a practical vehicle through which to attain that goal and then work hard and smart to bring it to reality.  This is where the work gets done by men and women who commit themselves to the meaningful activities of their families, companies, communities and churches.   

No one reaches maturity and no one should ever stop growing -- for maturing is a never ending process.  But each person who lives as a person of faith and grace, can keep live satisfying for all of life.

SELF FOCUS  --  Think through and write down how you shall improve your:

VALUES, ATTITUDES, EXPECTATIONS, BELIEFS and CHOICES

A CONSCIOUS AWAKENING - Wisdom From The Fulfillment Forum

Arguably, the greatest teacher and natural psychologist of all time, Jesus of Nazareth, told the multitudes who came to hear him, 'Man does not live by bread alone.' He was not alone in making this observation -- others including Moses, Mohammed and Buddha to name a few, have observed that any person who lives a secular life to the exclusion of spiritual virtues and choices wounds his or her soul.

An old and treasured friend asked Roberta for advice because she respects her spiritual values. Donna explained that her brother Warren, long the black-sheep of their family, had become obsessed with religion. After a soap opera life-style filled with conflicts, disappointments and a messy divorce, Warren claimed to have had a spiritual awakening that makes life deeply satisfying. His persistence was annoying to his older sister. When Donna paused to catch her breath, Roberta asked about Warren. She wanted to know what was currently going wrong in the brother's soap opera life.

Donna hesitated for a moment before answering.

Well, nothing actually. Warren's stopped his carousing and running around with other women and has gone back to Susie. He's patched things up with the kids and taken up his career. He's paying off his debts with interest.

Roberta couldn't resist the temptation. And that disappoints you?


Donna was annoyed with her question.

Of course not! I'm pleased for him but he keeps calling to talk about my lack of faith. Warren is fanatic about it. He wants me to accept Christ, to relate to God as he has; whatever that means. Why should I, when I've never messed up my life as he did?

Seldom has anyone opened a door so wide for spiritual dialogue between two friends about the vital faith factor in a life of personal satisfaction! Roberta quickly pointed out the difference to Donna between a casual acceptance of religious beliefs and a focusing of one's life in a covenant relationship or a meaningful connection with God. For, her friend was wrong about not needing a relationship because she'd never made the mistakes Warren had. We know Donna too well to accept that -- her tragic quartet of suffering, guilt, rage and death is as real as our own or as yours.

Tietjens spoke for all of us in her poem written metaphorically in blood during the desperate days of World War I.

I have too many selves to know the one.
In too selfish a schooling was I bred.
Child of too many cities that have gone
Down wicked crossroads of evil schemes,
And at too many altars bowed my head
To light holy fires to self-proclaimed gods.


Warren was phoning Donna to share the good news that his spiritual slate was wiped clean, that he was empowered to start life over anew with a spiritual restoration so dramatic Jesus called it being born again. His life is far more satisfying than it had been during his locust years and he lives with a new sense of purpose and permanence in something greater than his narcissistic appetites and illogical fears. Rather than selfishly grabbing all the pleasure he can, he now lives with an accepting and loving life-style. No wonder he wanted to tell his sister about it! He'd found the strength and courage to become the kind of husband he always wanted to be and could never become in his own strength. Donna may have been annoyed but Susie was delighted since she'd never stopped loving Warren. He no longer feels like a cosmic orphan in a cold and dangerous universe and that changes everything in their marriage. He's ended his spiritual bankruptcy through God's grace and is at peace with the Lord of the Cosmos, with Susie and their children for the first time in his life. He is consciously connected in the Cosmos and cannot be silent about his newly satisfying life.

Each person who seeks satisfaction, whether good or bad or more realistically a combination of both spiritual and secular interests, has to deal with the tragic human triad of suffering, guilt and death. Because of our primordial ancestors' terrifying experiences as fangless and weak little hominids, struggling to survive the great felines and canines on the African savannah, we still have hidden deep within our souls anxieties that never completely vanished. This homosapien angst includes the potential for greed, rage, dishonesty and violence when we feel frightened, devalued or endangered. I don't have to point out that every person who ever lived has suffered from various sources, life teaches us that. We fear pain and try every way possible to avoid it but it is part and parcel of human existence. Our suffering includes physical distress from accidents and illnesses and emotional pain from the loss of loved ones and, for example, the suffering from being discarded by a lover. Existential frustration or spiritual bankruptcy causes philosophical distress. Then too, every person with the slightest grasp on reality realizes we are all doomed creatures. We perish and to go the way of all flesh.

William Shakespeare expressed it well when he wrote in one of his brilliant plays;

Every man born of woman owes God a death that shall be collected at the time and place of God's choosing.

Between the beginning and the end of human existence, every person must cope with the distressing feelings of fear, inadequacy and guilt that are buried deep within the unconscious aspects of each soul. No one escapes unscathed the death dread that comes from our approaching extinction. Neither do we miss the guilt that follows our sins of commission and omission. None of us, except for paranoid psychopaths, go through life without making choices that we regret and also failing to do many decent things we should have done. Our greed and our fear of being hurt sees to that. Even today, I can think back and feel twinges of guilt and relive times of inadequacy that come from relationships I bungled as a teenager and from choices I handled badly in adulthood. I have no doubt that the parents of the youthful shooters in the Littleton, Colorado tragedy at Columbine High School were crushed by their guilt of commission and omission. Actually, the only secular way to get rid of the tragic quartet with its suffering, guilt and death dread is by repressing our anxieties into our psychological unconscious. There they fester and disrupt almost every activity and relationship we have. To break the grip of the tragic triad, to mature beyond the turmoil it causes, we must step up to a higher level of personal responsibility. Here is the truth of the matter.

Over fifty years we have synthesized the work of the best psychologists in the world and have discovered that science and faith, psychology and religion and psychotherapy and worship are far closer and more crucial to satisfaction than most persons realize. Both well up out of our human traits; they come from our need to deal with the tragic triad, to find security and peace in our complex world. After discarding our homosapien anxieties, rage and guilt, after connecting with God, we discover for ourselves what the deeply dedicated physician Albert Schweitzer meant when he wrote;

We must stop attributing our personal and cultural evil to other persons and to society, and learn to exercise our own wills and to accept our responsibilities in the realm of faith, worship and morals.

Indeed, a conscious commitment to God includes a regained sense of personal worth and responsibility for self and humankind or it is a self-serving and bogus connection. Early Christian faith was intensely personal, including a conscious relation- ship with Jesus when he was alive and later, metaphysically in the spirit. Unfortunately, after a few hundred years that personalized faith was lost as secular nobility and a church aristocracy ripped Christianity away from the people and reorganized the faith for their own benefit. The concept of connecting with God personally was discarded in favor of a hierarchy that stood in the door to determine who would be acceptable to God and who wouldn't. The priesthood substituted ritual which they could control for a personal faith they couldn't, demanded payment for deliverance and used torture against dissenters that would have gagged a Nazi storm trooper. As late as 1960 the Magdalene Society of Ireland was still flogging, starving and working to death poor pregnant girls who'd come to them for help. The psychotic Mother Superior called it redemption through penance but it was a vicious punishment scheme right out of the horrors of the medieval church. No wonder that Pope John Paul, as he approaches the end of his life, suffered much guilt for the way his church completely justified the assailing Muslims, burning odd women as witches, murdering heretics and Protestants during the Inquisition and failing to challenge Germany's destruction of European Jewry during the Holocaust.

The Catholic, Anglican and Lutheran traditions have always stressed growth in faith through the sacraments and learning rather than a dramatic Damascus Road experience in which St. Paul was knocked senseless from his saddle when God finally got his attention. Obviously, there is much good to be said about rearing children in the faith from their earliest days. I know only enough theology to get into trouble with it but I do understand that at the very least a personal commitment is sound psychology and good theology. Which is why denominations that forty years ago wouldn't have anything to do with Billy Graham's relational ministry, now have prominent pastors and laypersons leading city wide crusade teams? They have learned that spiritually committed women and men make more faithful members than those who merely agree that faith is nice and possibly more satisfying than a secular lifestyle.

Although it is difficult for secular skeptics to believe that joy and satisfaction is found through a spiritual life-style, we can prosper in many ways through our faith. This can now be seen through a large body of research. Psychiatrist Raymond Moody, some years ago, researched and wrote the amazing book called Life After Life. In it he described scores of experiences through which persons from all walks of life died clinically and then were called back through heroic medical procedures. Multitudes of persons, perhaps as many as several million, including Roberta who bled to death during the birth of our third child and was revived miraculously, went through the now famous tunnel to the light on the other side of life and then returned to complete earthly missions. The life after life experience has become too common to deny, although some scientists legitimately debate its cause. However, most researchers see it as a real event. From time to time we catch glimpses that existence isn't all over for us with the death of the brain and body -- some aspect of our soul seems divine and linked forever with the God who brought us into existence. We suspect the human race has been experiencing this for a long time, which would account for the elaborate Egyptian celebration of life after life during the ages of the pharaohs.

We can also verify the power of prayer in our lives as believers after relating to God. Professor of Cardiology Randolph Byrd of the University of California Medical School in San Francisco studied some 400 patients at San Francisco General Hospital over a period of several years. They were in the Cardiology Unit with massive heart attacks or severe chest pains that required serious treatment. Dr. Byrd conducted traditional double blind research in which neither the health care professionals nor the patients knew which half of the sufferers were being prayed for - in addition to the best care the hospital could offer them. Their names were sent to church groups around the Bay area for regular prayers. The two hundred control patients received the precise same medical treatment but without consistent prayer. The results were spectacular, far beyond statistics, almost beyond belief!

According to Larry Dossey, M D, who has written Meaning And Medicine and Healing Words (The Power Of Prayer), the group being prayed for reacted precisely as if the patients were being given a miraculous new medication. The 200 being prayed for, although taken at random in a double blind, had far fewer deaths, required less surgery and were soon put on a much milder medication schedule. They healed more quickly than the control 200. Dr. Dossey reports that had any new drug been so effective, it would have been hailed world wide as a modern medical miracle. Dossey cites some one hundred thirty research studies which show that prayer heals and how it is connected with the temporal area of the brain's right hemisphere! We can call this telepathy or communicating with God or whatever, but the truth is; When we pray for you with love, compassion and concern, knowing we are connected with God, something good happens to you! Also -- the other way around when you pray for us.


From the day I learned that my innocent nephew on Death Row in an Arizona prison was getting an appeal hearing, I prayed devoutly that justice would be served, that the judge would see the truth and release David. What happened at the hearing? Within forty-five minutes the judge threw the conviction out as being without any merit and sent David home with his mother and father. When we connect with God -- we also connect with each other and it can be a fulfilling connection! A tremendous victory over evil men and systems can be had through prayer.

The operative word in the all-time favorite gospel song Amazing Grace is to believe; to believe God's great spiritual revelation to humankind. Some years ago, the story goes, a college pre-medical student told her professor of New Testament Studies that she could no longer believe the Bible, that it was filled with impossibilities such as the virgin birth, the calling forth of Lazarus from the tomb and the resurrection of Jesus. The professor smiled benevolently and explained.

Mary Ellen those are the little issues, the starter beliefs to get you moving in the right direction. If you think those are odd, wait until you find that God expects you to come for communion and to believe that the big and ragged, scary-looking black man kneeling beside you at the altar rail is your brother in Christ. And that you are being called to leave your prestigious medical practice to serve as a clinic doctor to the Hottentots of Africa. That you are to take up your cross daily and follow Christ in simplicity as the Quakers taught rather than buying a new Mercedes coupe every other year. That's what you shall find almost impossible to believe!

Viktor Frankl, my mentor in this distinctly spiritual approach of Logotherapy, wrote that each person has a deeply philosophical nature, the spiritual unconscious, which is as vital to health as the psychological unconscious discussed by Freud. Of course Christian philosophers have always taught this in the church's dual emphasis on personal redemption and maturing discipleship. Research reveals in a variety of studies that men and women who hold strong spiritual beliefs - who live with a focused faith, hope and love -- with God's grace, have far fewer physical, psychological and philosophical ailments than those who do not. Life is much more satisfying in a wide number of ways when we consciously connect to God through a personal covenant relationship with Christ.

Sound research studies also reveal that women who relate to God have about sixty percent more sexual orgasms, of a deeply satisfying nature, than irreligious women. Also, husbands and wives who consistently worship together are sixty-eight percent more likely to enjoy loving, peaceful lives. Quarrels, child and spouse abuse, divorce and family abandonment are reduced enormously in families that worship together.

In other words, if you want to marry well, to have a long, deeply satisfying sexual relationship with someone who will be a supportive lover for life, with a true partner who shall not abuse or abandon you and your children, you'll cut the odds of failure by more than half through finding your soul-mate within a faith community. Of course you shall have to continue maturing spiritually through your own acts of grace in order to meet the needs of your spiritual unconscious.

Accepting Christ, becoming conscious of God's grace, being born again, establishing a covenant relationship or committing your life to Christ -- is an early step toward maturing spiritually. Then we must love each other and pray regularly for one another. A fulfilling life through a covenant relationship and service to humankind isn't at all like buying a ticket on the Boston to New York shuttle. We are required to keep paying our dues to the people with whom we share life and love. Warren has discovered this as he keeps pedaling his bicycle along and we hope his sister does also.

Here is a great starting point. God the Cosmic Creator and Seminal Spirit is open to all souls who hunger and thirst for a spiritual restoration. No one gender, race, class, country, congregation, denomination, political party or economic system is more precious to God than any other.

God offers us a come as you are invitation!

Unfortunately, we regularly see nihilistic, narcissistic persons pretending that God loves them, their political parties, countries and companies best, in order to claim power and prestige over and to collect money from others. Such narcissistic religious, racial or gender exclusivity and superiority is always an egoistic, all too selfish way of dominating others, of boasting;

I speak for God so all you inferior sinners must bow to my spiritual superiority. You must believe as I believe, worship as I worship and even vote as I vote or the God who gives me power over you, shall reject you as unworthy of associating with we the better people.

This is the narcissistic, pharisaic sin of spiritual neuroticism that Jesus condemned more harshly than any other human failing. He blasted the religious egoists of his day, calling them empty cups with nothing to offer, calling them brightly painted tombs filled with rotten bones rather than life. Unfortunately, the more frustrated and alienated from God and each other persons become, the greater the temptation to pretend that one is superior to the rest of humanity. That way, the pretenders' spiritually bankrupt don't seem quite so meaningless. Of course, it is all a sham -- any form of exclusivity and superiority is devastating to spirituality and loving relationships. Superiority pretensions really are a form of neuroticism, a defense mechanism by which possessions, pleasure, power and prestige are substituted for a spiritual sense of purpose and permanence. Spiritually maturing persons don't need egoistic self-deception to feel good about themselves. They can prosper without making others look bad. They are able to see the good in other women and men without becoming petty and mean spirited.

Ranier Maria Rilke cautions us in these words:

All those who seek God tempt Thee,
And many who find solace would bind Thee,
To gesture and to form, to ritual and release.
As if their small candle had banished the darkness!



Alberta Jernigan of Houston spoke at a recent conference of Christian women.

We affluent American Christians are the fortunate of the world. We are the people who must express love by doing all we can for suffering humankind. Henry and I worked hard for decades to build our oil business but we never grew greedy and mean as so many financially driven, secular minded business people do. We never tried to pull up the ladder after ourselves as many Texas politicians did when they sold out to the racists and sexists. God has blessed us, but our love becomes real only when we serve others.


Spiritual love makes a tremendous difference in our values, attitudes, activities and relationships. Perceptive writers from John the Beloved to world-class psychologist Carl Rogers report there are two basic types of persons.

There are those who love others and those who do not love.

I take that one step further. There are many reactionary persons in business, government, education and even in the church who are so filled with frustration, fear, greed and resentment that they cling desperately to the past. They are unable to love freely, unwilling to adapt when change threatens them and thus they cripple themselves and their families because life keeps shifting inexorably around them. There are also courageous women and men who accept change as it comes, adapting in new activities and relationships, thinking creatively about life and their place in it, loving others deeply. They go on, empowering their families and organizations psychospiritually in confusing times.

We must mature spiritually or our relationship with God remains passive and weak rather than active and strong. Of course, as committed Christians we do believe that a covenant connection occurs through faith, hope and love in the Lord Jesus Christ. We must work at developing sources of meaning and create places of the heart in which we meet with the people with whom we share love and life. All our maturing attitudes, activities and relationships begin with God and probably end with God. As we commit our lives spiritually through purposeful activities, focusing our powers within God's grace, our lives do become satisfying. We shall not always be happy, although we have often heard thoughtless young people assert that a spiritual commitment resolves all of life's difficulties. They're mistaken; their problem is that they haven't lived long enough to gain wisdom about life's tragic quartet of suffering, guilt and death. They don't realize that on the average of five years, every person, family, church, company and community faces a major problem that cannot be resolved but must be bravely endured. The great tsunami that swept in from the Indian Ocean ruined spiritual and secular people alike. Kindly saints lost everything as quickly as violent dope dealers for the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike.

It should be obvious to any thoughtful person that humankind's spiritual conflicts are real enough. Humans do indeed have the desire to control others, to force weaker persons to yield to our choices, to rule the roost as we did so briefly in childhood. Yet, there is also that inner aspect of the mind Viktor Frankl calls the spiritual unconscious. We all start with an inner response to the way life should be lived, sensitivity to beauty, love, decency and wholeness. Immanuel Kant, the philosopher, called this tendency the moral law within each human soul. Kant felt there was no way to explain it, that this law existed within everyone from creation. We believe it is what our ancestors in the living religions of the world called the god-ache -- the yearning to be connected to the Seminal Spirit. We have discovered through our decades of research, counseling and teaching, that any attempt to understand the meaning of life must account for Kant's universal conscience that exists within human hearts and minds. We all want to feel good about ourselves. We strive constantly to increase our times of satisfaction in ways that reveal how nature itself is thrilled by the joy of wholeness in working and playing, loving and learning and in worshipping and persevering. But, along with this need for completeness, nature has also arranged that is almost impossible for humans to find fulfillment directly in our activities and relationships. As with so much of life, we have to use a by-product approach.

We humans have our spiritual unconscious that leads us to seek the love, grace and beauty of God and the Cosmos. God is the ultimate source of all music, art and creativity as we live communally with those who appreciate and support us. Of course, we also wish to be unique, to shine greater than our peers, to dominate them in order to gain the lion's share of life's benefits. The first motive comes from our fear of being alone, our horror of isolation, of being at the mercy of nature, having to rely on the meager physical, emotional and spiritual resources we carry within ourselves. We want to love and to be loved, to co-mingle with our peers in all manner of ways. This desire to be part of something important from which we gain respect creates feelings of self-transcendence. This is the religious love called agape, the delightful uniting of the creature with the Creator that leads to conscious kinship with the Cosmos and its elements. Psychoanalyst Otto Rank put it this way;

For only by living in close union with a God-Ideal that exists outside our own ego, are we able to exist at all.

The need to connect with the divine isn't merely a simple superstition or a search for assurance because of our limitations in a vast and dangerous Cosmos -- even if that is what some contemporary researchers think. They assume that the concept of God is a human invention used to compensate for the terrors of existence. Actually, faith and belief are developing perceptions of what is really going on in this incredibly complex Cosmos of which we are each so small a part. Connecting is an out flowing of our human need for completeness -- now and forever in a self-transcending relationship with the Cosmic Creator that lifts us up and out of ourselves. As Rank said, we cannot prosper alone, in our own strength, although in our secular society, many abandon spirituality along with simplistic forms of worship, neglecting faith, hope and love and trying to prosper with inadequate searches for satisfaction. Such persons starve spiritually while going to great lengths to fill their empty souls with possessions, power, prestige and pleasure -- becoming careerists, gamesters, gangsters, recluses and even deviants. They become existentially frustrated and alienated in the midst of the greatest human prosperity of all history; then wonder why they feel lost in life, stuck in a swamp of meaninglessness that breaks their spirits and leaves then feeling purposeless.

This is the other side of human nature. Along with the universal search for love and meaning that we call agape or divine love, we often yearn to dominate and manipulate others
-- to stand superior to all the world, to win prestige and enjoy pride as if one were god-like. While the self-transcendent aspects of life are called agape or divine love, these narcissistic elements are certainly Eros or sensual love. This is far more than mere sexuality, including all forms of potency and power. This includes the urge -- the compulsion -- for a life free from rules and regulations, for exciting experiences, the unfettered development of one's powers, the longing to rise above nature and to win prestige greater than one's peers through pleasure and possessions. This is the urge to maximize one's personal gifts, to achieve on one's own terms through self-expansion. However, if we focus too completely on Eros we become ruthless predators. If we live only with agape, we fail to develop our powers to any large extent. We must strike a balance in all of life.

Of course, we accept as completely acceptable to God that women and men connect, worship and serve others in many different ways. Human personality is too complex for uniformity and so is faith and the organized church. Our one small candle never casts out the greater darkness. We illuminate life only by uniting with others in places where we belong. Roberta made a simple confession of her childhood wrongs when little more than a toddler. The Nazi murderer of millions, Herman Goering, confessed his many crimes and connected with God just before he was scheduled to be executed. A friend of mine reached the great decision point in his life while plowing a field of cotton with his tractor.

Many confuse esthetics with spirituality, apparently unaware that humans have always been a religious species -- that every one of our previous civilizations was built around religious beliefs. Some of the worship was simplistic and occasionally very cruel as with the Aztecs, but the clergy were scholars and engineers and often rulers. Humans have always craved mystic, supernatural experiences and relationships to feel at home in a vast and mysterious Cosmos. That is represents our yearning to connect with our Creator and we are all vulnerable until we develop meaningful spiritual practices that take us closer to God's ideal for us in the community in which we belong.